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My Daughter's First Day of School

Two days ago was my daughter's first day of school. It was also the day before we were set to go to my mother-in-laws house for canning weekend (an annual tradition where jars and jars of salsa are made.) 

So I did what most humans are good at I distracted myself by baking, packing and cleaning.

I distracted myself from feeling my feelings of loneliness because it was the first time I had been in our house alone for a whole day for months. I distracted myself from feelings of sadness that my baby is growing up. I distracted myself from my feelings of being unworthy of being my daughter's mom because I was sending her to a new school where she didn't know anyone. 

I did not feel a sense of relief like so many moms who send their children to school. Instead I felt a sense of dread, sadness and unworthiness. Like what am I doing at home if I'm not being a full time stay at home mom?(I am running a business that is what!)

During the time when I was distracting myself I knew I was running from my feelings. I knew if I just stopped I would probably break down and cry. But because of the way I was raised  - to push down my feelings - I ran away from my feelings. 

Now in my case this didn't cause any harm because I baked goodies and cleaned the house. But a year ago I might've turned to alcohol. 

Running from our feelings can sometimes create more harm than good. It can destroy relationships. It can destroy our bank account when we turn to shopping. It can hurt ourselves when we turn to things like alcohol or other drugs that create hangovers. 

Why do we resist our feelings?

Many times it's because this is what a human's natural tendency is to do - to turn to comfort. Also, we are not taught how to feel our feelings - to sit in the discomfort of feeling sad, unworthy, overwhelm, or disappointed. 

The thing is thought when we resist our feelings by turning to something else to make us feel better it actually ends up making us feel worse. We end up feeling regret because we drank too much. We end up feeling guilt and shame because we spent $200 at Target on things we didn't need. And my brain's personal favorite we ate too much sugar and now feel like our body is even grosser than before. 

However, if we just felt the feeling. It would last approximately 2 minutes and move through the body and then we wouldn't feel it anymore. 

Feelings aren't so bad. They won't kill you. In fact most of the time feeling them will make you stronger!

What feeling do you resist most often? How could allow yourself to feel it instead of resist it?

Ps. Despite the picture my daughter had a great first day of school. She met some friends and got to play a lot!